(c) 1998 Andrew C Stone, All rights reserved.

Dateline April 1, 1998

Today's Federal District Court decision upholding the myth that an internet browser is somehow inextricable from a poorly architected operating system further confirmed the public suspicion of the collusion between the US government and Micro$0ft.

As human rights violations continue in China, the US government continues to turn the blind eye, confirming the widely held belief that foreign policy is being dictated not from Washington DC, but from Washington state.

A double-spokes droid from Micro$0ft had this to say, "We are so pleased that the Judge finally agreed with our assessment that it was IMPOSSIBLE for a Judge to understand poorly written code. It's just so hard to find good help these days."

In an effort to control the future of ownership of intellectual property, Micro$0ft followed with an annoucement that it had bought all rights to Apple Computer's new operating system codenamed "Rhapsody" for $10,000,000,000, and that it would be shipping Windows99 based on this new OS.

The double-spokes droid continued, "Owning 90% of the world's OS market is just not enough - we want it all. And since Rhapsody is far superior to our current OS, we had to have that too." Growing fears at Micro$0ft that Rhapsody could turn the tide against them prompted this purchase. The capital for the purchase was made by issuing yet more Micro$0ft stock, diluting the rest of the stockholders' holdings, and some very clever bookkeeping.

The droid continued, "It's all just a game, and we own the board as well as the chess pieces. Through the mass market's ignorance and gullibility we have a built an empire, all off plagiarized DOS source code. Isn't it a wonderful world?"

Bill Gates could not be reached for comment, although a neighbor reported hearing a whiney voice repeating over and over, "I am lonely, I am so very lonely..."